Hello Lemonade,
I feel you’re judging yourself way too much. There’s no need to do that. Maybe in the past others did judge you and now it has become a pattern and limiting beliefs. If you have the money i would buy The Malleable Ego and also listen to Subconscious Limits Removal Ver 3.0. Maybe finish the mini stack with New Perspectives. There’s also a new course that has been released. Maybe this is divine timing for you and everything was aligned to this point. A time to for change and letting go of old beliefs and habits. Maybe someone can point out the name of the course.
I also had a huge fear of the unknown and a lot of things helped me but the most important thing was to actually fully reincarnate in this physical body, to land in it. Grounding is the most important thing that one has to do, to fully accept this life. I spend a lot of years on this topic until it was integrated and understood on a deep level but the benefits are huge and essential to live in harmony al the time.
I wish you all the best! 