So itās been about a few days since I began listening to a variation of @JAAJās paid PONR stack. I donāt have all the paid audios included, but incorporated the ones I do have.
The first couple of days had some euphoric effects; I found myself opening up more emotionally, being more honest with others without being harsh.
There were times where my heart storage center was in a bit of pain while listening (could be unhealthy cords being cut?), but eventually the discomfort went away.
But today before I started the playlist, I began to feelā¦how do I describe it? āContentā? Like, emotionally I was a blank slate.
When I thought about subjects that usually mattered to me (or my ego) - things aligned with the material world, I just felt thisā¦ ānothingnessā? Like these things didnāt have any bearing on my life or something.
āIs my ego dying?ā I thought.
I had a friend ask me what my plan was today - what tangible moves I was going to make now that I was undergoing my transformation, andā¦I had nothing for them. In their opinion anyway.
I told them happiness was my goal, that it had always been my goal (emotional fulfillment), I just didnāt know how to get there. And I was told that I may be too focused on the immaterial; Iād been on this journey of healing my inner child for so long that I thought my friend may have a point.
That I need to meditate through action, and not just through stillness. Balance.
But them trying to push me into my masculine energy today made me feelā¦bummed? And Iām not sure why.
Yeah, I was a bit caught off guard that I didnāt feel motivated to do anything āmasculineā today, but yeah that āmotivationalā talk only managed to make me feel worse - like the work I was doing wasnāt enough.
Still going to listen to see where this stack takes me. Maybe things will balance out, or I could cultivate a stack for my masculine energy to help me do so.