So, are you seeing the same pattern I’m seeing here? I’m pointing this out so you can work on the “real” problem here, which is beginning to sound like a habit of dealing with your problems by escaping (through sex, through suicide, through travels, escaping your relationship issues, escaping your boredom, etc.).
Now, I’m not the Behavior Police. You get to do whatever works for you and you get to choose. You started out your thread, sharing with us that your strategy of escaping isn’t really working for you. (And that makes sense because, wherever you go, there you are; you bring your foibles with you, right?)
I find it’s really helpful to work on what’s really going on, which seems to me to be your strategy of escaping. What’s behind that? (You don’t have to answer that here.) Many of the fields that @SilverZuzu and I suggested will help you heal and deal with what’s behind that.