I’ve always had suicide as a "plan B’.
Daydreaming about killing myself in different ways.
I’ve spent more than six years nearly bedridden due to the fatigue caused by antidepressants.
I feel like I wasted my youth away.
I find myself jealous of successful people.
I have so much hate and pity and shame for myself. I feel so alone. I am so tired. I never loved myself.
People’s advice only hurts more. “Cheer up”, “you only have this one life”, “you’re waisting your time away”, “everything is not that bad”, “try eating healthy and exercise”…
I listen to amygdala healing, depression relief, anxiety removal, self-love and acceptance, ego dissolution, the internal alchemical crucible, love gratitude and appreciation. Have been for maybe three months.
Sometimes I feel okay-ish. Other times the urge to harm myself is so strong,like an itch I need to scratch.
I tried to seek help from doctors and mental health specialist and they are so damn useless. They don’t want to help. They want to get paid for their jobs. I feel so hurt when people say “go seek help”. I want to, but their help is such bs… It might only help people with slight depression. I only speak from experience unfortunately.
So yeah. Always wanting to die, never brave enough to actually do it.
I don’t know why am I writing here. Maybe because this place doesn’t feel toxic like other social media. I don’t have anyone to talk to anyway. I have nobody.
I even feel ashamed for creating this post. Maybe I’m very very ill mentally.
So sorry for the rant…
Hi krissy welcome to the forum, if you write here it’s that you want to change for the better and that’s already a good thing
You said in the title that you search for the Point of no return field,
There was some audios that were part of a programm call ‘Point of no return’ that Sammy write, it really help me.It consist of six field,follow the guidelines of what is write in the article, they are really great field, this is the article :
-Subconscious limit removal 2.0
-Exorcism rite
-emotional release
-Energy aura body deep cleaning clearing
-trauma release and healing
-self love and gratitude
I will add 'Higher Self connection from dreamseeds, connect with yourself,
No need to apologize and I want to see you grow and become the best version of yourself 
The Silent Mind print it and wear it all the time (if you are don’t have money left for that you can write to sammy or dream)
and ojas field, deep aura clearing, unstoppable willpower
If you have somewhere a forest near you i recommend to spend some time there.
Welcome to the forum.
This made me remember the time when i wanted to exit. Sometimes i still have that lingering feeling but its under control.
There are a few miracle fields like “The unexpected” which you may give a try for the time being along with “Angelic intersession”
Thanks and no need to apologize.
First of all, welcome to the forum. You have made a great decision to write here.
Second, please check this book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to thriving
Third About killing yourself…that is not a good solution(if you are thinking in the mainstream way) Your body is just a vehicle in this world . If you have just had enough of your current situation, then it might be a good time to change your character. As in yourself being and doing different things from those that you are currently doing, thus creating a new self.
Ego dissolution meditation helps with that, and then you can listen to the Outlook retrainer, Memories of joy, Raise vibrational state, Also, the New Perspectives audio is a great one.
If you need someone to talk to, just send me a DM
Hey Krissy! I am sorry to hear that you have been going through so much for such a long time. You already mentioned that the mental health fields were of not much help and that antidepressants leave you feeling empty.
I remember a long time ago I was feeling suicidal as well, what helped me were any fields related to entities and negative energy. You could try fields that help you fight entites and negative energies, perhaps you are suffering from a curse or some negative beings have taken hold of you.
If I were you I would try the following stack for at least one week:
1 hour: Negative Entity/Bad Spirit/Demonic Removal (Banishing Frequency) - YouTube
1 hour: The Exorcism Rite version 2.0 - YouTube
3x Angelic Vibrations (ver 2.0) - YouTube
3x Curse and Spell removal (if you have the money for that field)
You can leave these fields playing on loop on your phone at low volume, just so you barely hear them throught the day:
The fields above have been of huge help whenever I have felt down, depressed or hopeless.
Best of luck and feel free to DM me if you have any questions!
Seems like for you made :)
this was maybe for another post, I remember a post with someone that had an abusive relationship with no where to go because of no family etc. if someone can find and post it there because I can’t find it
Hey there, you are not alone. Not only until the cerebrum album appeared then I could actually feel a difference from depression. That is also me in the past having used the depression field religiously and not having that huge of a difference.
It was Deep Brain Magnetic stimulation (x3) and outlook retainer (x3) that was my game changer.
But before that there were a lot of other fields that contributed to improvement, they are in no particular order, BDNF (if you can’t get yourself to exercise, make sure you use this), ISIRB RBM3, overcome any addiction dopamine receptor repair (this one here helped me as now I know that this relates to my actual unfortunate genetic rolls), Hydrogen accumulation and fission, acetylcholine, neruo album stuff (but not permanent, good of mood boosting regardless, but at the same time can’t be overused), Shen (shen is supposed to be lacking in people with mental illness, personally I feel that I still lose quite a bit of shen from the most ridiculous interactions), pure magnetic heart coherence (the coherence helps you not to live purely within the brain and helps restore the brain-heart intelligence).
The other would be to form the link with your higher self, Higer self connection, raising vibrations (careful with this, the detox can be very much), depths of your soul, remember to ground a lot.
Without these two topics I felt getting out of depression would be tough. When those two sort of were there, it all seemed to vanish.
You can get the freedom course for free and try that out too. I recall, doing the journey into the light (on the forum) helped me quite a bit (that time freedom course wasn’t out yet).
But do you know the type of damage you got from the anti depression meds? I know I had some form of brain damage, felt like I lost something out of my entire being (until now it seem to be lost and unrecoverable). Like I am on an anoymous account because I wil never write this on my main account lol.
I also speak from experience and agree with you on the doctors (psychiatrist) who only know how to push bs medications, however therapy can be helpful (during my university years, these therapy sessions were way more helpful than those crap psychiatrists also charging a arm and a leg for medication that can possibly work or not work depending on the person ← bs alert right here on how most of these clueless doctors and medications don’t actually help people (hey, not like they are the ones suffering this illness)
I will also re-evaluate if you’ve ever had exposure to any toxic heavy metals (fyi, this isn’t only in the realm of amalgam, it also includes simply taking too many bs vaccines, and eating too much large predatory fish, or even weirder environmental exposures like living in a really old building). Those crap do a number on people, and impossible to diagnose and regular doctors will never be able to diagnose such an issue. There is also the point that remains that some people aren’t at all affected by it, and then some simply just witter away with the slightest bit of exposure.
And also because this is my actual problem… So taking medications wil never solve my issues.
But of course your problems will be unique. I had a combination of them, but still I have improvement in quality of life thanks to Sapien Medicine and Captain, don’t lose hope, you are here and willing to take the steps for the betterment of your life, I took years and years even before I discovered fields, even if you keep going at it slowly there will come a day you will see the improvement. While I too feel remorse from the lost of my more youthful years, I am in better health than I ever was, also we have plasma (negentropy), we have an advantage already compared to people who don’t use fields.
I believe you will find what will help and improve your situation in life, there are many others in different situations who have improved theirs with the help of fields.
But for now, your low mood, you should try immediately, overcome and addiction dopamine receptor repair (I’ve noticed, if you have a tendency be to waiting for things to occur, it is likely the dopamine receptors are fried, if they are properly wired, you should be wanting to actively do something you enjoy truely), then deep brain magnetic stimulation and outlook retrainer.
Dude we got this.
I totally get you. Most anti-depressants are not a cure and might leave you worse off. Serotonin is not the happy hormone. But that’s another topic.
You could work on your physical health first . One of the most important things for depressed people is to fix your gut microbiome!
There’s so many studies linking depression with gut and brain (brain - gut axis) inflammation; and gut dysbiosis.
So anti bacterial stuff, certain probiotics and things for gut health are important here.
Also try to eat an anti-inflammatory diet, avoiding seed oils.
There’s also many supplements that are over the counter that can help (without the side effects of SSRIs).
So I will list some supplements and I’m positive that they will help you. I tried all of them myself and there’s tons of studies,showing their benefits, that I can send you.
I can’t tell you which one exactly is perfect for you,but noone can.
But I’m sure if you try just 3 of those your life will be significantly better. Just keep trying. If you implement a few of those things , I can see you making huge changes.
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B.Coagulans
in my opinion the best probiotic , not only decreases it inflammation and helps increase the good bacteria, it also causes butyrate producing bacteria to flourish. Now butyrate is what your gut cells use as fuel so it helps your gut heal and it has anti-depressant and anti inflammatory actions of it’s own. -
Sodium butyrate
is simply butyrate as a supplement, helps lower inflammation, increases good bacteria , lowers endotoxin, helps increase metabolism , etc. … a myriad of studies for this one -
Microdosing LSD (or psilocybin)
it’s a drug, yes. So treat it with respect. But much better than SSRIs and less side effects. Check out r/microdosing for reference. Tons of success stories there. -
Magnesium and vitamin D
Sounds simple but is enough for some. -
Cyproheptadine
it’s an old allergy drug but it works through lowering stress hormones like cortisol , only minor side effects like drowsiness which fades for most , is OTC in many countries -
Pregnenolone
Is brain hormone and can be converted to all your other hormones . So your body simply fills in what’s missing. Lots of it is converted to allopregnanolone which is a potent neurosteroid. Otc in America but you can order over internet from almost everywhere.Additional fields I can recommend are :
- brain inflammation
- self respect (read my testimony there)
- thyroid regeneration
- Enpp6
- PTSD (the stress reducing properties have anti-depressant effects)
This is just a brief summary, you can message me if you want to . Just understand that you have the power to change this and depression can disappear quicker than you might think, if you just flip the right switch .
Really good recommendation. Just want to add, depending on the person/and state of her/him it could be too much sometimes, if you read it take your time. For me it provided great insight but was also pretty “retriggering” to read at times.
Fieldswise they are already most things covered, I recommend to add Devil reversed and Cord Cutter, really helps leaving baggage behind, stop beating up on yourself for things. (You will notice that a lot of what you think and feel isn´t yours in the first place, mostly outside projections!)
Like bup wrote above, if you have a forest nearby spend time there. rivers and lakes are great too!
I were in a similar place for most of the time I remember and it sounds so stereotypically,
but things WILL get better! You haven´t found Sapien Medicine for no reason. You want to heal, now you have access to tools that will aid you in the process!
All the best!
Yeah, somehow a lot of us picked up on the idea that asking for help is the worst.
I like the brain regeneration, blood brain barrier, extreme self-confidence on the Sapien Medicine Channel and the Emotional release and the intercession audios on Dream Seeds. I mean, think about it, Angels have a job, and you are the job. You really can’t be a nobody if you’re that important to them.
Edit. I would also look at this thread.
You are not alone here. I had suicidal thoughts for more than 15 years, from 8th grade, and was also never brave enough to do it. I did not get access to psychologists or medicines, so I just read books, listened to fields, and worked on my own problems. It was a very long journey and the problems behind suicidal intentions are often so complicated that it would take years/months and a lot of fields to solve the problems. Now I can happily say that suicide is no longer my plan B anymore.
There are some sharing from my journey that you may find helpful:
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One method I found quite effective is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It helps to identify and tackle the biggest core beliefs and thinking patterns. You can do it by yourself with any self-guided book. It is also a good practice to start being aware of your emotions, your thoughts, and beliefs, or in other words, mindfulness.
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Learn about Boundaries and be selective with the environment and people. Stay or keep distance from negative people as much as possible, even from parents. If possible, build a support network of positive, loving and caring people. " Etheric Cord Cutter" is a good (and free) field to keep in daily stack.
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I worked on my past a lot. The Crucible series (paid fields) and the Archetype of Parental Love are my favorite field in this regard and now I am looping the Alchemical Revision of Childhood. I also practice revision of some past events by Neville Goddard’s method and after a while, my unconsciousness started to pick up the new behaviors and attitudes from the revised version of past events.
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It helps a lot to stop the monkey mind from producing negative thoughts. The Silent Mind is a good NFT for this purpose.
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Self-love. I was an obedient child and I was trying to please other people and meet social expectations rather than listening to myself. I think it was one of the root core of my suicidal thoughts because I was living other people’s life, not my own. And when people asked me what I want in my life, I could not even answer, because I never knew myself well enough. So, I practice self-love by accepting all desires of myself, asking what I think and want in all situations, and then following my wishes as much as possible. Not all desires are healthy, so sometimes I have to make a discussion with my inner self to analyze all aspects and reach a common agreement between my logical self and my emotional self.
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Meditation and raising vibration. Maybe you should experience them by yourself to see how they work for you. I believe they are the long-term way to healing, happiness, and success. I would suggest Ascensionnaut in the long term but the Vibration series is a good start. There are some good apps for meditation, I’m using Balance now as they offer a 1-year free service for new members.
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Some other fields that I find useful: Conceptual Realization for understanding dreams, problems, and self patterns. Flight or Fight - to deal with fear - it’s a temporary solution but we all need to handle our daily life first. Auric related fields - help to remove some negative effects from interacting with negative people and environment. And yes, the famous ‘Ego Dissolution’ and ‘Subconsious Limit Removal’. And the new “Unlock Full Potential”.
Hi Krissy, don’t know if you still check on the forums but… Check out this new release!