User @imogen was very sweet in offering astrological advice to me some time ago. But I’d like to open this up to further discussion and mostly just… rant, since I don’t really have a good outlet. Good chance I’ll delete this eventually, but for now, I need to let out some steam.
I have another two-ish years to go of sade sati. I’m in my peak phase right now, and many days - like yesterday - are such a struggle that they’ve brought me to tears. I know it’s a learning experience I’ll probably be grateful for later, but I feel so ground into the dirt by the heavy complications, restrictions, and the uncomfortable, stressful home environment now that I often just don’t feel like I have the will to go on. Like there’s no point.
From the Sapien side of things, I listen to the Nullify Negative Planetary Effects audio, Navagraha Homam, Emblem of Change, Ego Dissolution, Subconscious Limit Removal, Repel Negativity and Shatachandi Yagna. I’ve taken to actively listening/working with the Hanuman Chalisa protocol from Spirituality Zone daily, along with the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra protocol.
I’m aware of my own predisposition towards laziness outside of work, and this year especially, I’m keeping productive, and am doing my best as a lone parental support/therapist figure in the family. I’ve accomplished more this year than ever in many regards. But I continue to face emotional beatdowns and disappointments, as if I’m doing things all wrong. Saturn wants us to respect our elders and learn to find support within ourselves, but damn if doesn’t hurt to be belittled by the very people you live with. I’ve absolutely gotten into arguments over what has often come off to me as excessive or unprovoked harshness, and I feel like my only choice is to sit here and bite my tongue. Every source I’ve read says you’ll only be punished further during sade sati if you talk back. Sometimes there has been something legit couched in the criticism, I recognize that. But how it’s delivered that makes a huge difference. And other times, it’s like I’m being jumped on simply because I’m around and because I take it. Not in a position where I can move out, etc etc
Is there anything more I can do to try and soften the edges of this life event? I’m not thriving. I’m just surviving over here, desperately dreaming of peace and of being able to cultivate joy in life for longer than a few moments at a time. I can’t grow in a state/place where I’m walking on eggshells all over again and where my emotional and mental health are eroding. Sorry for the dramatics.
Saturn doesn’t want us to ‘run away’ from our problems. But I’m hitting my limit hard and just deeply exhausted and alone in the world as good friends kind of keep drifting away in the meantime. I know we’re not truly alone in that there are angels, archangels, and other high vibrational beings to contact, and I do reach out, but… it’s not enough, you know? It’s not.
Anyway. Gonna keep trying to power through, I guess.
