Thanks for sharing 
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Have you tried mstate gold and 5 element balance?
Just be careful with mstate gold, it may trigger some stuff so i wouldn’t use it more then 2-3x followed by emotional release from dreamseeds.
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Thanks for this tip 
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I don’t want to bug you all but life is hard … and really really unfair … I am suffering every moment … right now playing repel negative energy on loop in the background … I wish something helped …
It’s a feeling of being humiliated and taken advantage of … a feeling of being trapped in a wrong situation and a feeling of being robbed of my precious beautiful dreams
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Lanos. Where are you from?
Do you have pets? If you do play with them while you’re depressed. Try to be more active as possible. I know it may sounds ridiculous but it’s something that I do myself to distracting the depression.
Watch movies. Or join a group chats if you like that too
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I came across a passage in a newsletter I get from astrologer Lorna Bevan regarding the energy surrounding this most recent new moon in Scorpio on Nov 4th. In it, I think you may find some wisdom that applies to you.
“Scorpio - ruled by both Pluto and Mars - is the great de-numbing agent of the zodiac. Whatever you feel, way down deep, it’s yours, and needs to be owned and acknowledged, for the disowned shadow of our time is taking over the world. When you meet yourself at core and realise who you are underneath the world’s madness, you see that your sensitivities are not pathology, but path.
Your shakiness, tenderness, grief, rage, melancholy, and not knowing…these too…are not pathology, but portal and path.
Refuse to automatically accept the conclusions of your negative internal voices, but question and revision the whole matrix that has been spun and crafted by way of your cultural and familial systems of trance. Take the risk of telling a new story, dreaming a new dream, reimagining the soul and its purpose, weaving new cloth.”
I hope this helps. If not, we’ll keep trying until you find yourself on the other end of whatever this is you are facing. In the meantime, continue to pay close attention to your heath…eat good foods, get good rest & exercise. All that.
And be gentle with yourself.
All the best to you
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A lot has happened in a week after I made this post … wondering if God heard my wish to end my life or what … out of the blue I got very high BP … 178/119… that’s pretty high (I am 40) and I thought it was due to the stress I have been going through… but medical tests revealed I had some lump or swollen lymph nodes and yesterday got my biopsy done … do I have cancer … it’s suspected … as if life was not hard enough that I needed this news more on top of it … sometimes I feel maybe this is really my time to go …
Just a month ago … I was planning to get married and now life has turned out to be like this
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Thank you again … so much … VMMS … for your kind and loving words … I really appreciate it. Maybe it’s the planets … but health yeah … it’s already taken a blow … I may also be dealing with cancer now
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I don’t do pets Imogen … thanks for writing 
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I’m sorry.
Wish you strength to go through these dark times
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Thank you
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Dear Sapien family, I have found so much love and support here on my last post. I want to thank you all for reaching out to me in my time of distress and your very kind words to uplift my spirits… they mean a lot to me and I really am grateful to all of you. They did indeed help me to feel better about myself and see positivity in the world. Thank you so much again … much love
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Oh Lanos, I’m so sorry to read this. I can’t imagine what a blow this must be.
Please keep us posted on your progress, especially when you need a boost. Collectively and individually, we here in this forum can muster quite a bit of lovely healing energy.
In the meantime, I wish you all the best and, especially, the strength to endure. I’ll be thinking of you…and rooting for you…in the days and weeks to come.
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I am so moved by the love extended by you. Thank you so very much @VMMS. These are tough times and I do need lot of healing energy and positivity to get through this. Today after biopsy I am having severe backache … don’t know what’s causing it but will have to wait for biopsy reports before starting any treatment. I wish there is no cancer and there isn’t any major issue … diseases are suffering
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Hopefully come out all good (:
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Hi @Lanos, how are you going now?
I’ve just read your post and am very sorry you’re going through these difficulties.
I know it can be difficult when one is in emotional or physical distress to keep consistency with fields, but if you can, please try listening to Energy Aura/Body Deep Clearing Cleaning each morning and anytime you begin to feel weighed down by your life again.
Often in such circumstances, the physical and energetic body can become overwhelmed easily, and this is one of the gentlest fields available for those in emotional distress of any sort.
So if you can only listen to one field consistently daily, please give this field a try.
Often the physical and emotional and energetic debris accumulated in such times is felt most densely in the mornings after one awakens, so this is a very helpful time to play this field and help release some of these old patterns in your being.
It can be very helpful for emotional distress such as depression, anxiety, anguish, panic attacks and negative patterns, and will help you establish new patterns over time.
If you can add another field consistently, please add Lymphatic Effusion +, as the very processes involved in emotional anguish tend to result in waste products building up in the nervous system, brain and body.
As well, when one is physically sick this will be increased too.
This build up of waste products physically can result in keeping the brain activity in a state which perpetuates depression, anxiety and emotional anguish.
So draining these waste products can often have a significant lifting effect on the emotions, as well as aid you body in physically healing.
As you play Energy Body/Aura Deep Clearing Cleaning, each time it will help remove layers of patterns and attachments, which will help uplift your overall life and free you of this.
It may be a gradual process, but just do your best and the difficulties you are experiencing can begin to lift, bit by bit.
When you are feeling a bit better and able to, @_OM’s Modified Point of No Return Stack, which @King_A posted, can be an excellent way to begin to turn the patterns in one’s life around.
You can add even 1 or 2 of the remaining 3 fields in that stack if you don’t feel you can add them all at once yet.
And for those feeling overwhelmed like Lanos, if Love, Gratitude and Appreciation feels overwhelming, sometimes the older version (here on Patreon) can be gentler on one’s nervous system.
If you can only do one thing daily, though, please try Energy Body/Aura Deep Clearing Cleaning each day whenever you awaken from sleep, or begin to feel more weighted down.
With some consistency and gradual progress, you will be able to lift this, and eventually have or accomplish anything you want in life.
Let’s get you out of these immediate patterns by lightening your burden first, then there are and will be many solutions to whatever you want to have in life, and we can begin to build upon this with those gradually.
I hope this can help you and anyone else reading this who is suffering.
There are ways to get through this and lighten your burden, and to begin to change the patterns you’ve experienced in your life until now, for the better.
Best of wishes to you, and please let us know how you are going and if you are struggling, if you feel it can help you. There are many of us here who truly wish you the best in your life and want you to find happiness.
I am sure we can help you together somehow to find the better life you want and deserve. 
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Thank you, @anon36260187 and @King_A . 
Honestly many of these could have been clearer and more to the point, to better help those who are struggling choose what to do amongst the many options.
There are so many options that, as others here have mentioned, it is easy to want to throw the kitchen sink at a situation when one is suffering!
But often this can be harmful, and less is more.
I feel this could have been more clearly emphasised in some of my posts and suggestions of options, to better help everyone.
And don’t forget, whether I am available to post or not, what matters more in my humble opinion, is the change and growth you can all create. 
I am just one person, sharing what I can, to hopefully help all of you improve your lives and find the empowerment you deserve, and ripple the positivity you find to others.
In five, ten or twenty years, I would hope this is the impact this will have had in your lives and others, amongst the more temporary ups and downs we can all experience in the moment.
That said, thank you for the kind words, and much love to you all too.
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I assume biopsy is benign.
Please update.
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