I meant to be sensible here,
Only listen once twice at the most.
But one thing led to another and I listened to it eight times yesterday and thrice today so far.
It’s not really like me to do that and I’m not suggesting it -
But the way this feels.
It feels like (and I mean this in the best way) someone turns you inside out and puts you through the car wash
Like your soul is getting hit with the fire hose
It feels like some combination of a workshop, shamanic journeying, a time machine
I found myself unable to resist going back and facing the “pop up book of crap” that sometimes, because it’s repressed, comes to knock at the door and haunt you while you’re just taking a walk or something
It’s too early to say definitively but I feel like if this could talk to me and tell me what it’s doing, it would say something like this:
Hi! Here’s all the crap. All of it, there’s that, and that, and that. Yep, there it all is. Let’s take a look at it aaaaand now look at it again. Does it feel the same? No? You’re welcome.
I find myself, once thinking about a memory while listening to this, unable to think of it in the same way after. It’s not that the meaning has changed (yet)(although that is a good practice assigning new meaning to things), it’s that I am not experiencing it in a way where it actually harms me in the present the same way it did in that moment.
Im sitting here right now actively attempting to bring up one of the memories that would definitely hurt three days ago if I played the memory clip again and it feels like there is a buffer. A little space.
I’m not feeling emotional fallout, no anger or anything like that, maybe it’s because some of these memories I’ve processed over and over and it’s just time to put them to bed.
Thank you for creating this field Captain, I do feel that this will have profound changes on my being and the level of a general sense of peace in my life.
P.s. definitely heard a short mosquito or fly sound real quick in the beginning, just passing through
I wonder what the mosquito symbolizes in the fields