The Quarantine/Butt-kick/No BS Diary 2023

Week 1 almost over. Intensity of butt-kicks: 5/10

Know those endlessly frustrating plan-making check mark loving folks? I’m one of them. So, of course I had to make some lists and week-by-week spreads. There are plenty of things to improve and choosing the most important ones is a painful process because the temptation to be and do everything all at once yesterday (and then get frustrated and waffle and quit) is very real. After several mindmaps I think this ought to be my game plan:

  1. Daily meditation. No skipping, no nothing. It will be the foundation for any future endeavours of spiritual nature. My mind is a monkey abusing cocaine and I’m done being a thunderbolt of anxiety.

  2. The weight. I’m also done being the fatty. I lost a ridiculous amount of weight a decade ago and got stuck yo-yoing around a certain number. Why? If and when I get to a “normal” weight I’ll have excess skin all over my body. All over, not just around the usual spots. Morbid obesity - the gift that keeps giving for the rest of one’s life! I say I’ll learn to live with it but that’s a brazen lie right there. The mere idea of all that flapping, drooping futile mass makes my skin crawl. Also, the weight has served as a nice excuse for dodging, avoiding, jilting many things and dreams. So… I’ll be a human sharpei. It’s not like strutting my stuff on the beach or becoming an underwear model has ever been a dream of mine. Rock climbing, horse riding and running - those have!

  3. Employment. The situation is dire. Everyone in my country is having a hard time finding jobs. I can manage 'til June but after that I need a divine miracle of epic proportions if I’m still in between jobs. Luckily I have a certain NFT and all sorts of fields. Time to pick, commit and concentrate. (This has been a priority all along, of course, but the intensity of work-related butt-kicks needs to amp up now.)

This week’s progress:

-daily meditation 10/10
-daily self love stacks 10/10
-diet on point 5/10 (“B-but I can’t let these… uh… less healthy options go to waste!”)
-exercise 2/10 (“B-but the weather has been so beastly and uh it’s only week 1”)
-job hunting 7/10 (imagine a desert blooming dead roses)


I’ve been listening to that bad boy ever since it was released and… nothing. Zilch, nada. It’s better than nothing for sure but I have no great expectations anymore.

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It’s already happening.

“Well, I could continue now with the chakra audios. Maybe a stack for luck, just a teeny tiny one. Something for health. Oh, maybe a longer brain stack. Just… uh, something for looks. This is a ruthless world and people pay attention to looks - surely it would help during job interviews. Wow, those new fields… maybe just one purchase and then make a small stack around it… just a small one…”

Main lesson of the week so far: FOCUS! It’s not that I am allergic to hard work - it’s that I’m all over the place. Employment, meditation, weight off. The big three. No waffling, no new small stacks :sweat_smile:

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Week 2 over. Intensity of butt-kicks: 6/10

Today I found out that my HS is not currently interested in dishing out any hints or tips about what I should do. Frustrating. I’ll just sail my ship and hope it doesn’t sink before I reach a worthwhile destination. Otherwise this has been a challenging week, some personal health scares and my father is not doing well at the moment.

I’ve been religious with the self love stacks but meditation has been challenging. I’m using the new field (Effortless Meditation) and a funny but annoying thing has happened. Usually it’s rogue thoughts that give me trouble but with the field concentration is pretty easy. So, what’s the problem? My body. Now, the moment I start, everything itches. Scalp, nose, back, arms, everything. It’s like experiencing lice, scabies and itchy powder at the same time. When the meditation is over it stops immediately. Thanks, body. I confess I skipped few times.

This week’s progress:

-daily meditation: :grimacing:
-daily self love stacks 10/10
-diet on point 7/10 (weak start, strong finish, back on track!)
-exercise 4/10 (lots of resistance to it all but getting better)
-job hunting :grimacing: (two promising openings)


Week 3 done and dusted. Intensity of butt-kicks: 7/10

I’ve been listening JAAJ’s new multi-stage self love stacks 1 and 2 together for these three weeks. Stage 1 stack in the early morning and stage 2 stack in the early evening. I meant to follow the rhytm and flow he laid out in his post but this combination just spoke to me. I never paid a lot of attention to trauma fields because I didn’t think I had any right to use that word about my adversities. Trauma was for soldiers and civilians in warzones, kids getting abused, parents who lost their child in a horrifying accident or women kidnapped by traffickers. Lil’ ol’ me didn’t have trauma, just… stuff. Well, trauma or not, turns out these fields are shaking things loose.

If the self love stacks are the answer to many questions asked on this forum, the trauma fields managed to dig up the answer to why I either can’t progress or do so at a glacial pace. The self-sabotage. The starting and stopping.

I can’t see my future. I can’t believe in it.

Here’s the thing. Let’s cut a life into sectors, yes? You’ll end up with maybe relationships, work, personal goals, health, financial stuff, spiritual stuff, whatever. The legos of our lives. In every sector I am far behind or the things I’ve done or haven’t done have made it sure that even if I reach the goal, that goal will be a bit tainted. Some examples:

Health. Ok, I get to my desired weight. Great. So great for my health. Genuinely. But I’ll have postural changes and bags of loose skin for the rest of my life.

Work. Let’s say I get that diploma and finally, finally I start to get longer stretches of employment. My age will work againts me. My pension will be miniscule. In any and every job interview I’ll be forced to explain the gaps that are years long. They are not stories I willingly tell or happenings I like to relive. It will get better but will it ever get good?

I’ll soldier on and I’ll do all the things but… there is no spark. There is nothing in the current future o’ mine that excites me or I can believe in strongly enough to really start FIGHTING for it. That’s the reason right there. I do things because I have to, like a good little automaton, without any real belief or fire.

That’s the aha! for this week. Now I’ll have to live with it or find a way to change it. There are tools but no vision.

From now on I’ll make an update once a month to record the stacks and results. I don’t think these musings are helpful to anyone else. I’ll stick with stages 1 and 2 for a while longer and then move on to 3 and 4.


I personally rarely (if ever) achieved Everything that I wanted, so sometimes some things are accomplished better, other times other things, anyway, the things is - Perseverance, NEVER stop doing what you want/wish for.

All THE Best to Reach ALL Your Goals! :pray:

Maybe reach a certain level, then try new things, search for new goals, investments, new directions, new opportunities, even new jobs (maybe passive income) - (maybe) after a certain moment or rather level, where you already achieved some of your goals, that way, the spark will be reignited (?) - just thinking and writing from my own experience, since I feel myself to be so behind what I should have accomplished, others are having kids or businesses or at least are independent financially, while I am broke and I’ll have to start again; But, here’s the thing, through Yoga, through using the Fields, through Mantras, through Meditation(s) and through perseverance and the new path that I already Envisioned for myself, I know I’ll make it (somehow), I don’t know when, I don’t know how hard it’ll be, but I have that Need and Vision again in my life.

What I mean is that Life is FULL of Surprises, Just Keep Going Further, and New Opportunities and new Visions and New Paths Will OPEN for You. :pray: :grinning:

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So happy reading about your progress guys.

:white_heart: :muscle:

Those are very important realizations!

Keep going, and if you can, add Conceptual Realizations to the mix.

This sounds to me as if like you (and by this also your Higher Self) just learned a lot about ‘having faith’.
Because this is how you develop it (the faith).
By going through the unkown and having trust into your own internal manifestation power and that the input that you are doing now will create a better future tomorrow.

Faith is important because it leads to discipline and focus of manifesting things where the results are not instantly clear but take some time to show up in your personal reality.



I’m very late with my reply here but… thank you.

My grandmothers used to say that trees slowest to grow bear the best and finest fruit. Maybe they’re right, farmhouse dwellers and crop experts that they both were? I know the feeling of being far behind and have now chosen to just stop comparing myself to other people. Difficult trick but so necessary. We will get there, yeah?

YES. I keep learning and then re-learning this as I go. My latest aha! moments have to do with not always looking for answers in the outside world and kind of diminishing my own power. Slow but steady. By the way, I was going to get Conceptual Realizations once I have Plasma Flaunt but then Conceptual Conglomerate dropped. Have you maybe had a chance to try it out yet? Would love to hear your thoughts!

Thank you.


I don’t have it yet. Waiting for more reviews and testimonials.


Week 9 over. Intensity of butt-kicks: anywhere from 0/10 to 11/10 :sweat_smile: :grimacing:

Oh wow, time flies when you’re trying to turn your life around. I’m still at it. Mostly. Let me explain.

I have not skipped even one day of the self love stacks since I started. Not even one. I listen to stage 1 stack every day in the morning and then stage 2,3 or 4 in the evening depending on the week. It has looked like this:


I feel the stage 1 stack has been and still is a wonderful booster for 2,3 and 4. I’ll keep going like this through the summer unless I land a full-time job. Then I’ll follow the original schedule of one stage a week.

Some new results:

  • less clingy with the people who matter the most
  • more benevolent with myself
  • more open to new choices and options
  • more… grounded, in that I get less of those jumpy, antsy moments

As for employment and weight and meditation, erm and ahem, umm… some progress, some setbacks, some unsettling health discoveries. I hope I will have good news at the end of May when I will report back again.

EDIT Week 4 looks like that because I was planning on listening to stage 2 stack for one more week and then changed my mind because it was a lot. Too much churning to surface too fast. After two days with both 3 and 4 I went with one more week of 2. It got intense.


Just a note: for some reason I can’t access my PMs. So if I haven’t replied it’s not because I’m ignoring you, it’s because I can’t.

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What a shitty autumn this has been. I’ll wrap up this diary properly during the weekend but here’s a very quick recap:

Finally got Plasma Flaunt. My father doesn’t want to listen to it. Broken heart.

I am now employed, menial blue collar stuff. Every evening my feet hurt so goddamn much that walking feels like a chore. Irregular hours, pay is nothing to write home about. I went back to school a while back and now I am not in shape to study in my free time. If it comes to one or the other… who knows. It’s nice to pay the bills, it would be even nicer to have something better going on. Broken heart, pt. 2

Every single person in my life I care about is going through massive health challenges. Can’t help, can barely help myself. Broken heart, pt. 3

It’s so pointless.

EDIT Well, not pointless. Just all sorts of frustrating.


Are you listening to the grand jealousy reflecting shield and nullify astrological effects.?

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Nullify and Amplify are both in my morning stack and have been for about a year. I’ve never listened to the grand jealousy reflecting shield. Not that many reasons for anyone to be jealous of me and apart from work, grocery store and library I don’t get out much. Haven’t seen any reason to try it… ?

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It seems to lift off negative energy you accumulate from people that goes far beyond just jealousy.

I myself never expected anyone to be jealous of me either, yet this field made an unexpected and tremendous difference to my wellbeing.

Maybe give it a try and see how it feels from there.


Okay, I will definitely give it a try. Thank you for the suggestion!


Of course. Good luck.

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I kept writing this, then deleting, then writing it all over again, just to decide that what I was pouring out was the beginnings of a self love stack review. Tomorrow will be my 33rd week on the regime JAAJ created and many of the things bubbling under, boiling over, ever changing and kicking my butt are thanks to those stacks. I’ll end the year with that particular review and here I will just focus on three things.

So. Back in February I had three goals under the larger goal of really getting serious about change and self-improvement: meditation, weight loss and employment. I have made progress but with every step forward it seems that something in me or my life has crumbled. The most terrifying (and freeing) whirlwind experience has been my journey from I was hurt! They caused me pain! to Oh god, I was a complete asshole too! It’s all my fault! to Everyone tried their best but sometimes it just wasn’t enough to It was enough and we are all exactly where we need to be. This kept repeating under different disguises untill I recognised and accepted it. Before that could happen I witnessed ming-boggling amounts of self-deceit and self-sabotage. Now there is a sense of peace that comes and goes.

Let’s start with meditation. It is still a pain in the ass, it makes me anxious and most of the time I kind of hate it. The benefits are undeniable so I keep going. Right now, a day or two skipped isn’t the end of the world as long as I keep at it. Energy sensitivity seems to be a thing now in my life. It just took a ridiculous amount of time for me to understand what it was since I always thought it would manifest as something more… mental? Right now it happens through bodily sensations. It makes sense since I can be very out of touch with my own emotions. The body is the only messenger that gets through. So yes, progress and some tentative growth.

Weight, then. I regret making this a goal because massive people need massive amounts of time to get there. Still fat. I am losing weight very slowly. It will still take about a year at least before I am at an acceptable target weight. What fat? is on my shopping list and I hope it will speed things up.

Lastly employment. I am employed, yes. Money is not good but it is coming in regularly. My aching feet and back have taught me that this is not the life I want. Those brain fields are calling and they are calling 24/7. This part has of my life has been under major changes thanks to the self love fields. Just a year ago I had pretty much accepted that some areas of my existence would just be shitty because I was dumb. Because that’s what my well-educated family told me. Because I internalized it as a Truth and slowly gave up on all the things that genuinely excited me. Now it’s a different feeling. There’s a new voice in town. It doesn’t put me down - it builds me up. It is just as relentless as its predecessor but the message is always to push through, to keep going, to question all the “truths”. Guess I finally made a friend. With myself. Didn’t see that one coming!

Summa summarum? I didn’t succeed, I didn’t fail. Progress was made. Next I’ll turn my attention to the brain fields and where they might take me. Next year will be better because I will be better.

I give myself 7 out of— you know what? Screw that. I’ll just give myself a hug.


Not a big Russell fan but this is a good intro for my finishing entry in this journal. The way I see it… a harsh truth is not a forever-truth, not necessarily, because as you change so changes your world and your truth and the truth about you.