Subsconcious problem with women

#13

Sounds like a heavy self-sabotage pattern.
Self-sabotage happens when the subconscious mind tries to keep you safe from something, usually an old very deep traumatic experience.
So finding out the trauma and healing it would be the solution.

Yes, you already know that this is the case.

Important:
Very often we cannot see what the trauma is or what the actual source of the self-sabotage is because there is often an additional layer of shame and guilt on top of the self-sabotage.
The key here is to first the remove the blinding effect of shame/guilt by admitting that there is a problem / self-sabotage pattern going on and that YOU are the origin of it.

Shame = the emotion of when we try to hide something from the world and do not want the world to see it.

So what would that be that you are trying to hide from the world and that you don’t want anyone to see and know?

What coping mechaninsm are you ashamed of?

Admit it and then you can remove the shame and guilt.

For example, when you overused porn as a cope mechanism, you need to admit that there was a part of you that actually enjoined every moment of the dopamine rush of it.
Accepting that a part of you enjoyed it, allows you to accept that part and no longer try to hold it down with shame and guilt.
Admit it and let the whole world know.
Once you accept it you become FREE to move on because you are no longer invested in hiding the past and supressing a part of you.

When the shame and guilt layer is removed, your perception will change and you will able to bring to consciousness what the underlying issue of the trauma might be.
That you can work on the topic that causes the trauma.

So the layers usually are – going from the top (consciousness) to the bottom (subconscious):

  1. The Experience that it is not working out
  1. Shame & Guilt that prevent from you from accepting that there is a self-sabotage pattern
  1. The Self-Sabotage pattern
  1. The need to be safe at any cost and sabotage everything that threatens this safety
  1. Deep strong Trauma
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#14

On a more serious note, it’s simple:
Because you haven’t had this experience yet (virgin), in your mind you feel inferior. Likely there are thoughts akin to “what if she doesn’t like it?” “What if she finds out I’m so and so” etc, what if what if what if.

It’s no use

You gotta experience it.
What i suggest is, you don’t tell you are a virgin. Also don’t brag off like you are so experienced. Just ignore the topic and be very cool.

Since the interest is already clearly evident, you need not to concern yourself what they’ll think of you.

Go ahead man, on your terms

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#15

You know the more we focus on something the more it will become harder If you become too desperate. The only way is to work on yourself. Don’t think of anything else but for yourself. Listen to confidence audio.

Be care free in term of attracting a person. Truly you will get that naturally.

Do what makes you happy. What’s your goal? Find that and achieve it instead. Life partner wil naturally come to you when you forget about it

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#16

When people are ashamed that they are a virgin or “sexually inexperienced” then this creates exactly that layer of shame that I was speaking about above. That shames that prevents healing and seeing the deep underlying issues.

One needs to accept being a virgin and stop hiding it so that the layer of shame can be removed and progress and healing can take place.

If a girl is not okay with you being honest, then she is f’ed up in the head in the first place and needs therapy herself.

Coming from a place of honesty will always be approciated by other people who also always come from a place of honesty.

In our sick society men are shamed for still being virgins after a certain age and shamed for “not being able to get laid”.
This is highly toxic!
As if getting laid would suddenly transform you into an adult man and as if you worth as a male only depends on how much you can get laid.

This is a very toxic form of brainwashing to make people’s feeling of self worth dependant on external factors, like getting laid and how much approval you are getting from the opposite sex.

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#17

Yeh that’s why I recommend to be cool with it.
In the long term obviously you’re right.
But the interest was given to OP, he literally just needs to overcome his mind battle to proceed.
Imo once experienced he has a better standpoint to proceed fromthereon

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#18

Hello and welcome!! :smiley:

One of the first things I’d recommend, as well as the self love recommendation, is working on forgiveness :heart: You did the best you knew how at the time, now it doesn’t serve you, you are moving on and that’s basically all there is to it.

The Journey of Forgiveness

Forgiveness and Release

If you want to keep it simple for self love, you can go with this timeless field: self love

Then, give yourself some credit! Most people when confronted with what they don’t like about themselves tend to be resigned to it. But you didn’t do that. You sought solutions, implemented them and got some real change. Not easy! And now you are doing the same thing, I’d say that’s fucking awesome :heart_eyes: And you found the right place! You really got this :heart: :heart:

After experimenting with free fields and seeing that it works for you, I’d recommend Crucible of the Past I haven’t used it myself but the testimonials speak for this field in the most touching ways :smiley: And just to get a bit of a boost whenever you need until you start seeing some changes, try Positive Power Waves. It always puts me in a good mood :smiley:

About being a virgin, I understand that it can be intimidating (as well as it’s possible when not a man) but know that for many women it can be something sweet and special (I have had that experience and it was definitely those things). For some it can even be a turn on (I have a few friends that have told me this hahah). I’d personally recommend being upfront with it for 2 reasons 1) a woman who would judge you for it is, in my opinion, not worth sleeping with 2) it will take some pressure off when comes the time. Going with it and letting a woman take you by the hand instead of pretending will be easier. :slight_smile:

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#19

Oh, also! They are not free but I think these fields would work wonders:

Self Respect (only 22$)

Torus Weaved Respect

The Unbreakable

Knight Mindset

I have used the last three and they have been amazing for me for a plethora of things :smiley:

And once you are able to, I would advise being candid about these blocks. That kind of vulnerability can be extremely sexy and any half decent woman will make it a point to help you as best she can :slight_smile:

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#20

Yeah I feel like I have a very deeply engraved traumatic experience that is affecting me, but I have no idea how to access it. Maybe using the trauma release field and some other mental health fields

Yeah the part with porn is on point, when I used to watch it daily I felt shame everytime that I did it. Couldn’t even sit next to a girl without getting nervous. Now that problem is gone I can communicate but the last layer is stopping me from commiting to sex.

That would definetly be that I am a virgin. Do you think that my lack of a father figure could be contributing to he issue too?

I simply don’t know how to remove this layer of shame that I am a virgin. It is not an action that I can admit I am doing like porn is. It is just a part of me. I just feel that if I lost it probably all my issues with women would be gone, but maybe the issue is even deeper than the fact that I am a virgin? I used to blame my issues with girls to the fact that I am not physically attractive enough, okay fixed that. Then came the issue with porn, fixed that as well. Now this. It is like for some reason I always find an excuse to not commit, this makes it feel like my issue is even deeper. Or I am just a pussy (I don’t know if this makes sense to you as English is not my main language)

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#21

True. Also you forgot something else: What if she tells others, what if she tells her and my friends.

Maybe my issues would be fixed if I lose my v card. But I always seem ti find an excuse, first it was that I was not physically attractive enough to attract women. Then I believed porn was the issue with my lack of confidence with women. Now this.

#22

Yeah I know that I shouldn’t stress to much over this topic. Especially considering the fact that I am only 21 years old.

I don’t have any more replies for today so I will just reply in this message. Yes I believe self forgiveness is important. I hold a lot of anger and resentment towards my past self for the things he didn’t do

Thank you! I really felt your words.:smile:

Isn’t this like the radiate positivity field?

Thank you for the suggestions, but right now I am looking at free fields as I need to save some money for personal reasons.

Thank you I really appreciate it. I will message you in 3 hours because the forum blocked me because i replied too many times lol

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#23

Radiate positivity is an environmental field that will promote positivity in your environment. Positive Power Wave gives a positivity boost to the person. When I’m grumpy and I play I find myself grinning and tapping my foot hahah I usually play it in the morning because it gives some energy too so it’s a good way to start the day.

I’ll look for free fields that might replicate some of the effects :smiley:

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#24

By the way, your story sounds a lot like my boyfriend’s. Of course I’m not exactly objective but he’s a wonderful man, smart, good looking and comfortable with people in general and had difficulty making a move (lost his virginity late) and he too regretted MANY opportunities lost. He also was a nerd/geek (well we both were and still are if we’re honest hahaha). He’s 35 now and things have changed a lot! Now I joke that he’s got it easy because we’re in an open couple so he’s got a wingman with insider information :stuck_out_tongue: But joking aside he had to work on his issues (before he met me, which aren’t gone but are definitely milder) and when I told him your story he became all serious and said “tell him we’ve got him” :joy:

You said you are out of comments for today, I’ll send you a PM and you can ask him questions if you’d like, maybe it’ll help :smiley:

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#25

Another way of framing self-sabotage is that you are doing what it takes to get what you want.

Find a quiet room. Dim the lights. Sit in an upright but not rigid position. Uncross your legs. Place your hands lightly on your knees. Close your eyes. Wait about 30 seconds for your thoughts to become quiet. Out loud or in your mind ask yourself the question “How is keeping myself single benefitting me?” Then wait for an answer. The brain is naturally a questioning and answering machine. Your subconscious will speak up here.

Peacefully ask yourself the question “What would my life be like if I didn’t need ____ (put the answer from above here) ____ ?” Then let an answer come to you in words or images or a feeling.

Now, speak to the same part of yourself that has been answering you, “I no longer need ( the answer from the first question ) in my life in order to be safe or happy.” Wait for a reply.

That could wrap up the whole session in about 5 to 10 minutes. Or depending on the “reply” you get, you may decide to continue working through things by repeating steps 2 and 3 while responding to the reply from step 3 the same way you would the answer from step 1.

Your reply will be affirmative and positive and you can consider things taken care of. Or it may indicate further work needs to be done. If so, you can continue the session until it becomes affirmative or just end the session and come back tomorrow and start again right where you left off; using the final answer you were given to continue.

When getting started waiting 30 seconds can be enough. If you need more to reach a light state of relaxation, you can visualize yourself slowly walking down a set of stairs, picturing each stair as vividly as you can, counting in your mind from 10 or 20 or even 100 if you’d like, all the way down to 1.

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#26

In that case no, it won’t help you…

Hence losing your virginity will not resolve this issue actually, which will seem insane… What you do have to do is to build your self confidence. There’s sth you have to work on, it could be that losing your virginity will help, it could also be that it will be counterproductive. Thus in a way, it’s not important. You likely won’t realize this until much later. Still you have to move on somehow. So definitely try to raise your confidence. This is a bit broad, because it might indicate lack of self love, self worth, etc. But only yourself truly knows this, so it might be a miniscule other aspect.

Have you tried the extreme confidence booster here?

1 Like
#27

Extreme self confidence / self esteem boost

This combinations of energy and frequencies will work together in your conscious and subconscious to nourish/ build and increase your own self esteem, confidence and worth in your own eyes and by extension in the eyes of everyone around you.

When feel comfortable in your own skin and believe in yourself, you will live a more fulfilling life and accomplish just about anything you set your mind to. When you love yourself, you enjoy being yourself and interacting with the world. The world becomes your playground and you will find joy in simply being yourself.

When you believe in yourself, your confidence aligns with your intentions and allow you to manifest whatever you want in life. When you have confidence, you have little doubt that you can do something and this lack of doubt allows you to perform at the best of your ability and also attract what you want in life. A great self esteem will dramatically improve your state of being and allow you conquer life in the romantic, career, friendship and adventurous level.

By listening to this video twice a day, you will begin to notice how an increased level of confidence and self esteem. The more you listen, the more permanent these effects become.

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#28

I can answer to this without meditation I believe. I have been single for a long time, so I naturally have focused on improving myself. Gym, work and building passive income so yeah I am in a way benefiting myself by doing self improvement.

So to put it with this question. My life would be pretty shitty if I didn’t do any self improvement

I didn’t get quite what you mean here :smiley:

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#29

I haven’t but I will definetly try it as a lot of people have recommended it.

#30

There you go! You’ve just discovered that you have a belief that you need to be single in order for you to improve yourself. This does not have to be the case. You can improve yourself whilst being “not single.” So, if you want, you can start to change this belief, which will help with your self-improvement.

You have also discovered that you’ve been valuing “improving yourself” more than being “not single.” This, too, you can adjust, if you’d like.

Not bad for all of–what?–5 minutes of meditation! I wonder what you’d come up with if you actually tried the full process that had been offered to you?

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#31

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You might try this one (print it and carry it all the time with you)

If you want this very fast solved (only to a degree) i know a fast way.

Probably an unpopular one.

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#32

(Had a similar thought. Hopefully, yours was much more–erm–wholesome than mine. :wink: )

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