Hi! This is my first post in this forum, and it’s quite a long one. Over the last 3 years my health became a total mess. Let me quickly share how it started:
My Story
Health-wise I’ve always been quite a normal guy, raised by ordinary but loving parents. Just some minor things like social anxiety, videogame addiction and only eating sugar and white flour products. Even though feeling unwell most of the time, life was possible.
Around the age of 18 I discovered that I can actually take responsibility for my life. Long story short I changed everything to the better.
With 19 I decided to solo travel to new zealand. With growing interest in spirituality, I stumbled across psychedelics. Somehow I met a guy who’s growing San Pedro and took some of it. That was a horrible traumatic experience, which got the ball rolling…
From there:
1st year: I got some heavy flashbacks, around once a month. Over time, I slowly developed insomnia and generally felt more easily stressed.
2nd year: Food intolerances to almost everything. Activity made symptoms worse. Neurological symptoms started (Depression, Stress). Got covid and afterwards the fatigue began.
3rd year (until now): Nothing new, just got worse and more chronic. Unable to leave the house, room or bed, depending on how severe it is.
“Zombie-Mode”
To illustrate the condition, I call it “Zombie-Mode”. I literally feel like a walking dead in some phases.
It’s not a permanent state. There are times where I feel more or less normal or even happy. Here I describe the worst case. In reality there are of course gradients in severity.
Keep in mind, I’m not a 150 years old who forgot to die, I’m 22 now.
- bombarded with destructive thoughts and emotions. It’s like watching a horror movie. I can literally observe how “my human” behaves in ways “my soul” doesn’t want. Having no conscious control at all. Any sense of identity is lost (Not in the blissful oneness sense, I would contrast it as “painful zeroness”). Please don’t confuse this with being mentally obsessed about all that. I have very impressive mental stability. It must be some physical imbalance in the brain, which screwes up my psychology.
- Unable to move. Walking is mostly possible but a real struggle.
- Panic Attacks
- Heavy heartbeat & high blood pressure, Uncontrollable shaking (only in the strongest attacks) & sweating
- I find it very important to differenciate between panic and fear. I refer to panic as mainly physical and fear as mental / emotional. Panic appears suddenly, out of nowhere. Can stay for hours. Fear dissolves quickly with grounding, deep breathing, yawning and distraction. Or it can be a valuable learning experience & training. In contrast, there’s nothing to learn from panic.
- Fear: When thinking about my psychedelic experience and the existentential panic. The worse my overall physical state, the easier those thoughts can trigger overwhelming emotions of fear. When I’m quite stable, I can interact with them in a rational way and dissolve the misinterpretations. And as mentioned, in the worst states the triggering thoughts flow automatically
- i sense here is an access point into my unconscious for healing
- Unable to speak more than 3-5 word sentences, unable to smile (even if I try to force myself, the muscles just don’t move)
- Oversensitivity to light, sound, conversations, food (especially histamine) & physical activity. I had times where I felt better for up to a few weeks, but when I increased exposure to those stimuli, it all crashed again (Post-Exertional Malaise)
- Impossible to focus. My brain seems to be unable to prioritize stimuli, so everything is pressing at me at once. That way even lying in bed can be overwhelming. In that state, meditation isn’t possible at all, and more draining than recharging
- Surprisingly, I have no pain. It’s more as if the brain is shut down and unable to communicate with the muscles.
- Brain fog & tinnitus. Tinnitus I have all the time, but it’s much more disturbing the worse i am
- Inner Earthquake: very hard to describe this sensation, maybe it has a common term which I don’t know. It feels like my body is shaking from the inside in slow, heavy waves. Not as an energetic sensation, but a very unpleasant physical one. My heartbeat feels also heavy and I can notice it everywhere around my body, especially in the head and feet.
- Minor things: dizziness, freezing cold (especially hands and feet)
The medical aspects of the condition & how I understand them so far
The most accurate overall term I know is me/cfs (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome).
- Autonomic nervous system dysregulation
- → Responsible for reactivity against everything. Perhaps the root blockage & primary condition.
- Mitochondrial dysfunction (Spike Protein due to covid). Oxidative & Nitrosative Stress
- → producing inflammation instead of energy
- Heavy Metal Toxicity (Quicksilver & Arsenic)
- → Blocking detoxification & cell function
- Pneumonia
- → no breathing related symptoms though, perhaps affecting more the celluar breathing → cells don’t get enough oxygen & nutrients
- Leaky Gut (not officially confirmed)
- → Re-absorption of toxins.
- → nutrient deficiencies
- eating low histamine & low fodmap. Want to incorporate more variety. Taking a multinutrient hoping to make up for low variety.
- Systemic inflammation
- → as a result, further driving the vicious cycle
Unsure
- do I have blood clots?
Real-World Things I do daily (if I have the energy)
- Pacing: setting healthy boundaries & respecting them
- walking outside (slowly working up to one hour a day)
- Kundalini Yoga (gentle): guess it does the energy body good
- SOMA Breathwork: blood flow & oxygenation, heart coherence
- BrainTap: neurofeedback & guided visualization. Is said to restore the nervous system
- The Perrin Technique: stimulating lymphatic flow, is said to be useful for long-covid
- cold showers: many benefits I can’t recall + makes me feel great. Need to be careful here, as it could be overstimulating.
- in future maybe the Star Exercise. Haven’t looked into it yet, but I will soon and then try it.
- activating the parasympathetic nervous system as much as possible (yawning, tapping, deep breathing, 2:4 breathing ratio)
- Yoga Nidra / Power Nap: to get some extra sleep
Since 2 months I’m being treated in functional medicine. So far the following was done 1x - 2x a week.
- IHHT (Interval Hypoxia Hyperoxia Therapy): to restore mitochondrial function
- Infusions: from what I know it contains phosphatidylcholine for cell membrane repair, some vitamins and a medication against the spike proteins
How I intend to reach my goal to regain health
- build more knowledge about my condition, specifically the root blockages, to target it more accurately or choose the right experts to help me
- build knowledge about Captain’s work and how to use it
- build connections within this community, being active, willing to learn & serving where I can → which leads back to knowledge
Fields I use and why
I choose to focus on these few fields so far and practice building a connection, rather than brute-forcing
-
The Eternal
- overall healing, protection and guidance
- I don’t want to micromanage every function of my body, to liberate my mind from controlling and trying to know. So I allow myself to continue my research without having to worry if my assumptions and strategies are right or not
- through the subconscious healing I hope to address deep layers of trauma
-
New Release - The Microkinesi-Therapist
- to bring the body back to self-regulation. My body is certainly not broken, rather confused
- it is said to be gentle and not causing overwhelming detox
-
_OM’s Modified “Point of No Return” Stack (1x in morning, 1x in evening)
- because I have no results. But I sense it’s not from blockages or limiting beliefs, but more because I didn’t address the right root cause. I guess it’s still not a bad idea to keep going.
-
New release : The Plasma Light and Infrasound Bioactive Beach & Release: Automated Grounding
- cause they say it’s good :D I have to learn more about this one
- The Plasma Flaunt (maybe later): when I can determine if I get along well with Plasma Light
Questions
- PTSD vs nervous system disorder? Those terms become quite vague in my understanding. Because my problems are not mental by nature. They’ve never been. Otherwise it could be sth suppressed so deeply that I can’t notice it, but that’s where the term “nervous system disorder” seems more accurate to me. Do you see a significant difference there? Between the subsconscious and nervous system. Or might there be spiritual depths that I totally overlook?
- Clarify how I can work with fields. Do I need to feel them, why am I energy sensitive in general but feel nothing from fields (I will ask specifically for advice for this soon)
Additional Information
- I did the Energy Awakening Course once (with exercises) and listened to the audio sequence 3x. Also meditating daily for 4 years. That’s why I don’t think my blockages are in a lack of energy sensitivity
- I listen to sapien audios for about 3 years, on and off. But until now it was mostly with a kind of “wishful thinking” approach
What I tried already
coming soon
Now as I’m writing this I’m surprised to have the mental clarity to do so. Feels good to organize & express my thoughts this way. I will update when significant changes happen, and otherwise once a month.
This thread is intended to be about me only, more about the condition. So if anyone else has similar struggles, don’t hesitate making this your thread as well
