Hello Haminum :)
This can be a bit mmm “tricky” man , but you can check 
and try 
:
Check that content if you want. Also i invite you to take a look on some other topics ,
im pretty sure there is useful and valuable information .
Edit :
I understand this feeling man 
Try this, use it at least once (active listening with this one please ) and watch how you feel :
The Journey of Forgiveness This has become pretty much one of my favorites , lets harness the power of forgiveness !
This one have kinda easter eggs Haha im still discovering things .
Im using it once a day if you want to know.
Good luck on your journey man , keep us updated , dont lose the faith .
(I suggest you this audio , because i founded that is a short -easy way to get out of undesirable states of mind )