Realization of some hard truths
Today, I woke up with an epiphany. I had noticed fragrances of this underlying wound in the past months, but today it became very clear; I have emotional abandonment and self-worth issues.
I couldn’t have guessed it even if anyone pointed it out before. They have been so subtle in the sense that it’s not easy to connect the symptoms to the underlying core wound -at least for one who isn’t a psychotherapist.
But now, looking at my past experiences, my childhood, it’s as clear as daylight.
I have developed an avoidant personality with insecure attachments and sensitivity to rejection.
I have a fear of visibility. I isolate and be an outcast. I have addictions to “reliable sources of comfort” that don’t require anyone else and can’t abandon me.
Hiding from the truth
The funny thing is that I would argue against the trauma of these childhood experiences affecting my life. I would say “yeah, but I’m okay. I don’t care about those.”. Lies. Lies to myself. Obviously, my subconscious cares because it shows in my behavior.
where do we go from here?
Well, now I know how important some of the revision fields are for me.
All this time, I was trying to treat the symptoms, but now I shall treat the root cause(s).
So, for the next a few months, I will be focusing on:
- The Alchemical Revision of Childhood
- Alchemical Revision of Inner Self Love
- The Archetype of Parental Love
- The Alchemical Revision of Trauma
- The Social Bonder
- Inner self Critic to Inner Self Supporter - #33 by anon66374317
- The Holy Paladin because it has fear revision field.
- Remove that Fear of Failure
- Self-esteem Booster - I really didn’t think I would need this.
- Self Respect